Since 30 days of Ramazan are practically haram for us Musalmaan, as usual we’re ending it with 29 days of fasting. Which brings us to almost Eid: ever notice how when you step out on chand raat, aisay lagta hai puray shehr ko pehli dafa ghar se bahar nikalnay ki ijazat mili hai? No? Pay attention this time. Go and see what kinds of people there are out there. Better yet, let us tell you what kind of people you’ll find:
1. Boofer Wali Mehran:
Now this, we all know is a classic. Y-Block Defence, Liberty and Fortress are all crawling with mailay, chichoray tareen launday blasting tracks like ‘Jattni Punjabi’, ‘Desi Thumka’, etc. on full volume in their super cool, pimped out… Mehran. Yes, the ever popular should-be-Lahore’s-national-symbol Mehran. In ‘mehroon’.
2. Creepy Chooriyon Wala:
See that weird, middle-aged man giving out some serious creep vibes, who’s staring at you like you’re his first and last aftari? The one who beckons you over to say “baji, itni pyari kalayee hai, ayen zara chooriyaan pehna ke hath aur sajaon” complete with waggling eyebrows and dailay phaar ke staring (vomit inducing, I know). That guy. The one who wins all creep awards on chand raat, no competition.
3. Mehndi Wali Aunties/ Your Local Barber:
These two hard working, sweat dripping, manically juggling clients are your saviors (after the darzi of course). The heroes without the cape, the undecorated veterans of our society, the ones who pull all nighters year after year and give you beautiful hands and that shandar daarhi mooch; extremely vital for 1037894000 selfies.
4. “Hello Baby, Number To Do Na”:
Which girl (also some men) hasn’t been through this chera chaari; the sad failure of a wolf whistle, the ayeennn hayeennss and the maili harkatein? Pretty much everyone in Pakistan is familiar with this. On Eid, they’re like shaitan finally being released from the chains. They shall badger you, stalk you through endless kapray and mehndi/chooriyon ki dukaanein and still manage to keep track of you through the thousands of people out and about. Then throw something with their number scribbled on it. Lol, beta pls.
Oh, this. When did we go from getting eidi to giving it away to EVERYONE we see? The driver, the maid, the chaukidaar, the makayee wala, the gola/kulfi wala, your siblings, cousins, pets, sath walay ke bachay, no one let’s you get away without handing out eidi. Aur ab 100 rupay wala zamana bhi nahi raha.
6. Crush’s Eid Selfie:
Stalking your crush on Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat for selfies is as much an Eid tradition as sheer khorma or meethi sawwaiyan.
7. Darzi Feels:
“Wo baji… aap ke Eid ke kapray nahi ban sakay taym pe…” *cue murder song*
8. Nasha Nasha Sa:
You know how they show in Ramazan ads how people stopped at a traffic light suddenly start taking out food and sharing it with everyone? Yeah, seen that happen with cigarettes and alcohol – no joke. Sharab ki bottlein, sootay shootay, you name it. Sharing is caring cause Eid spirit, yo.
9. Eid vs Animal Kingdom:
Step out any time in the last 2-3 rozay, or on chand raat and you’ll witness a pagal khana everywhere. Women screaming, men shouting, drivers ramming cars, children going manic. IT. IS. INSANE. Eid rush in our shops and on the roads is a danger zone + fatal threat. Stay home for your own good, kids.
10. Modey Te Bandook – Base:
This one is my favorite: people stopping their cars randomly on the road, blasting oonchay oonchay ganay aur naach naach ke pagal. Literally kahin bhi gari rok ke shuro ho jatay hain. Proper Eid celebration, desi launda style.